based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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