weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
