Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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