Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
