I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
