I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
