So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
