she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
