2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
