i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
