First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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