nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
