'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
