Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
