Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
