Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
