I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
