How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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