New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
