I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
