It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
