I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
