I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
