I wish i was in the wii world.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
