dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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