he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
