The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
