I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
