I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
