franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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