Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
