Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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