I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
