sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
