If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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