is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
where does the pee come out of this thing
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
