I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
