I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
