Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
