He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
