yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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