i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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