my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
