Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My life is pants optional.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
