Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
