Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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