highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
