Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Floor bacon is actually really good
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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