I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
