i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
