I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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