he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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