You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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